From The Writer’s Almanac Tuesday, February 22, 2020: “Today is the birthday of George Washington, born in Westmoreland County, Virginia (1732). His favorite foods were mashed sweet potatoes with coconut, string beans with mushrooms, cream of peanut soup, salt cod, and pineapples. He lost all of his teeth except for one by — according to second president John Adams — cracking Brazilian nuts between his jaws. He got dentures made out of a hippopotamus tusk, designed especially to fit over his one remaining real tooth. But the hippo dentures were constantly rubbing against that real tooth so that he was constantly in pain. He used opium, a common and oft-used pain reliever at the time, to alleviate the pain.”
Imagine our Founding Father’s discomfort. Those grim dentures had to be the reason the painters Gilbert Stuart and Charles Willson Peale couldn’t get much traction when they asked their portrait subject, “Smile, Mr. President.” The hardware had to be one of the reasons George Washington was sparing in conversation. His silence, coupled with an imposing 6′ 2″ height and manly bearing, kept him in good stead as opposed to feisty John Adams, who measured 5’ 7” and was not silent. There was a more important reason George was loath to speak. As a fourteen-year-old, he carefully wrote out 110 “Rules of Civility.” George’s Rule No. 5: Speak not when you Should hold your Peace. Then there is Rule No. 4: In the Presence of Others Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet. As compared to the 613 commandments in the Torah, George’s 110 Rules are not much, though their number exceeds the Quran’s 75 rules of good manners.
Gazing out over the rubble of our elected officialdom, I reflect we have come on hard times manners-wise and civility-wise. Reps Lauren Boboert and Marjorie Taylor Greene, gave Joe Biden the raspberry at his State of Union Speech, breaking George Washington’s Rule No. 1: Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present. On the other side of the aisle, we Reps Ryan, Talib and Pascrell of the donkey party hoofed it out of Donald Trump’s SOTU speech in 2020. All elected folks, right and left, might reflect on Rule No. 6: Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop. It is shooting fish in the barrel to pair The Donald’s body-shaming of disabled journalist, Serge Kovaleski with Rule No. 21: Reproach none for the Infirmaties of Nature, nor Delight to Put them that have in mind thereof.
As I stroll along tony Beach Drive in downtown St Pete, I am struck by the desire of our young folk to bare themselves. Lissome lassies’ private parts are covered by fabric the size of cocktail napkins. Male companions look like they piled out of bed in their sleep wear – rumpled boxer shorts and a T shirt celebrating Bike Week in Daytona Beach. I assume they checked themselves out in the mirror before leaving home and said, “I’m looking really good.” What would George have made of today’s body public? Rule No. 7: Put not off your Cloths in the presence of Others, nor go out your Chamber half Drest. And Rule No. 32: In your Apparel be Modest and endeavour to accomodate Nature, rather than to procure Admiration keep to the Fashio[n] of your equals Such as are Civil and orderly with respect to Times and Places.”
There is my personal favorite for polite public behavior, Rule No. 12, appropriate for close talkers: Shake not the head, Feet, or Legs rowl not the Eys lift not one eyebrow higher than the other wry not the mouth, and bedew no mans face with your Spittle, by appr[oaching too nea]r him [when] you Speak.
If our First President were alive today, he would have added a few rules :
Rule No. 111: Leave not your cell phone out upon the table when dining, implying to fellow diners you are expecting a call from the White House, nor take a call, confirming you have better things to do than chat with them.
Rule No. 112: Leave not your speaker phone mode on when conversing in public lest your fellows become wroth with you because you clearly think it is all about you and give you a punch in the nose.
Rule No. 113: Walk not upon the sidewalk talking on your cell phone lest you bonk into a blameless citizen or walk off the curb into oncoming traffic, reducing by one the world’s complement of idiots.
Had he been able to forsee the culture he was going to help create, George Washington might have lit out for Canada and told the Continental Congress to stuff the Presidency.
Marshall Craig 